“The most important things in life aren’t things.” ― Anthony J. D’Angelo
The word minimalism conjures up notions of quantity: less is more. While this is certainly part of the essence of minimalism, in the realm of relationships, it’s helpful to reframe it. Instead, place people above things. This guides you away from a narrow exclusivity, and toward a values-based perspective that includes a focus on how we are all interconnected.
By deprioritizing possessions, your minimalist lifestyle gives you more time, money, and energy. It frees you to elevate and transform your personal relationships.
Minimalism and Relationships: Place People Over Things
Friends and I have shared how our parents, excited by economic successes and material goods they were able to newly afford, sometimes forgot about our feelings when emphasizing how important it was to care for these things. Having been barked at for closing a car door too hard, or too soft depending on the perspective of a particular Dad, we wondered as children whether the car was more important than we were. Of course not, right? But in the moment it sure felt that way.
Those situations inspired the idea in my young self that people should always, instead, be prioritized. Minimalism, by inviting intentional choices, reducing clutter, and prioritizing experiences over possessions, helps you reset your focus toward this aim. Acquiring new things, and all of the care and upkeep those items demand from you, becomes less important. This gives you the space to reconsider what, and who, truly matters.
More money in your pocket can mean more thoughtful purchases. It’s a loop – mindful consumption includes less frivolous spending, leaving more cash for better uses. These include more carefully chosen gifts, well–suited clothes, sustainable furnishings, and longer lasting belongings. Spending less on the trappings of success allows for spending more on nurturing food, fulfilling travel, and exciting activities.
Minimalism and Friendships
All of these actions make for healthier relationships, too. While you may naturally bond with others pursuing common goals, combining minimalism and friendships does not mean testing each person in your life to see if they “spark joy.” Your capsule wardrobe need not only be worn while spending time with a capsule group of friends, each elegantly chosen to fulfill a smooth and succinct purpose.
People aren’t to be donated or repaired. They bring their own life histories, experiences, opinions and values to the mix. Placing people above things means making peace with disagreements, and giving up the illusion of control over others’ beliefs, emotions, and actions. It means taking a bit more time to understand friends’ perspectives, listen to their concerns, and be curious about their lives.
True, as you grow in consciousness and place less focus on objects, some in your circle may choose to find other friends who are pursuing a bigger life with oodles of consumer goods. But perhaps not. If you stay in your own lane and avoid preaching too readily the wonders of your CSA Box and recently downsized life, you may instead find it interesting to share different lifestyles with some friends.
Rather than boasting about the brands of cars you drive, it’ll feel more authentic to find other ways to relate. Cooking together, taking hikes or a run, volunteering or doing crafts might supplant shows of consumerism. Discussions of issues you care about or interesting experiences tend to bring people closer together. Take the lead and suggest inexpensive activities. You may be surprised to find this also takes some pressure off of your friend.
Gift-giving can be a challenge. Try handmade gifts like framed photos or a potted plant. Think consumable goods – especially those the other person will use but might not get for themselves like fancy shampoos, shower gels, coffees, or jam. Gift an experience like a manicure visit, a restaurant meal, or a white water rafting adventure. Consider a small, precious item your friend can tuck away and treasure.
Remember that unless you’re really close to someone, be cautious in placing parameters around gift-giving. If you truly don’t have room in your life for something you receive, find another home for it.
Minimalism and Family Dynamics
Why practice minimalism as a family? You’ll reduce stress around money, spend more time focused on each other rather than possessions, and feel united in the pursuit of a more meaningful life. By teaching your kids to be grateful for what they have rather than obsessed with attaining more, you’ll instill confidence and contentment. You’ll practice activities aligned with a more sustainable future, and pass these core values onto the next generation.
When you live in a small space, you’ll constantly balance the needs for connection and privacy. Consider a personal retreat – style nook for each person in your home, especially important if they don’t have their own separate bedroom. Everyone needs ways to maintain their own thoughts and perspectives as well. Make plans for a bad day ahead of time, and allow those you love to have their feelings, too.
As your kids grow up, they will consider your values as well as experimenting with ones of their own. They need space to ponder whether they align with their parents in every way, including your minimalist mindset. If you come across as judgmental or critical, they will simply stop sharing what they really think, and either create a fake front to hide their disagreements behind, or lash out as a way to get some independence.
Let even small children have a say in the items they want to hang onto. Consider creative ways to bring in new playthings inexpensively and with minimal clutter. Thrift and consignment shops often have the beautiful, well-made toys that others didn’t want to simply throw out. Don’t forget to disinfect them before giving them to your kids.
You can sell these toys yourself through the same shops when your kids grow out of a stage. Or find a few families to swap toys with so that your kids have new finds without any more clutter.
Watching parents spend so much of their time and money accumulating and dealing with material things can teach kids that these objects matter more than they do. Minimalism resets those values into people over stuff. But social media, ads, shopping, and friends might communicate that consumerism actually equals friends and status.
Stay firm with your values as your kids make their way in the world. They will always have your life choices front and center in their minds, and will probably return to these at some point. Especially if you don’t force the issue.
Minimalism in material objects gives you more space, money, and time to share with people in your life. There exists no perfect approach to it, so keep your own flawed humanness in mind when you share your values with others. Be open to their perspectives, and share yours with us in the comments!
