The Chicken and Egg Psychology of Clutter
What’s the psychology of stuff? Does clutter cause you stress? Or do you unconsciously create it because of the issues behind your anxiety? In short, which came first, the pile of dishes in your sink, or the splitting headache you medicated with ice cream – or vodka?
One of my all-time favorite books, “It’s Hard to Make A Difference If You Can’t Find Your Keys,” by Marilyn Paul, PhD, digs into this co-mingled swamp. One gem I’ve carried with me – instead of panicking while you race around trying to find everything you need to leave the house, simply realize that, likely, you’re already late, so you might as well slow down for a minute and think.
Messes Help Us Rebel Against Our Parents
I don’t know how old you are, but it’s been quite some time since my Mom told me to clean my room. Since parental rules and directives live on inside us, though, perhaps you’re inwardly disobeying instructions to clean up. It’s a way to assert your own authority.
Maybe you’ve evolved a little, replacing Mom and Dad with your own rules. Still, you’re finding it hard to get yourself to listen to them. Either way, though throwing your dirty socks behind the bed, rather in the hamper, shows the world you are your own person, it also smells kinda stale. Not to mention the havoc it creates on your morning routine as you struggle to find a clean, matched pair.
A Clean Room Can Feel Boring and Sterile
Ironically, disorder might feel abundant, as if you have so much stuff, you don’t know what to do with it all. This might stave off a fear of not having enough, masquerading anxiety as energy and excitement. Perhaps, it tells you, you have so much to do that you can’t be bothered to take the time to close out one task before starting the next.
Clutter Reinforces a Poor Self Image
Physical confusion, unfortunately, reinforces feelings that you are incompetent and messy. You can change this narrative, but it first helps to identify it. After all, if you don’t care for your own things, it not only devalues them, but you.
Piles of Stuff Literally Block What You Don’t Want to See
Your brain may be using your piles of stuff to literally block you from seeing what’s difficult to see. Tread carefully. Think of children playing. They act out what they see, hear, and experience. So too our survival brains. Muddled environments assist them in avoiding difficult feelings or realizations.
On the Flip Side, Clutter Causes More Stress, Too
Clutter encourages procrastination. Looking around, it’s hard to know where to start. Since your thoughts and physical environment interconnect, this perpetuates disorganized thoughts, as well.
Chaos Uses Time in Unnecessary Ways
Disorganized things often coexist with and encourage a messy use of time. Untidy spaces become inherently less efficient since you have to clean up just to start a new task. If you can’t find things, you may rebuy them. If you misplace items, you have to wander around looking for them. If something goes missing, you may even accuse someone else of hiding it, moving it, or actually stealing it. Not great for relationships.
Messes Push You to Spend Time Elsewhere
Waking up to a mess keeps you from looking around much. All of the clutter demands your attention, so rather than deal with it, you may just head out the door for calmer spaces. Owners know that much of the appeal of spending money in a beautiful cafe or inviting restaurant lies in letting someone else clean it up for you.
An unkempt home even creates dangers – it’s easier to trip because your body doesn’t know what to expect on the floor when getting out of bed or rounding a corner. Messes feel demoralizing. Clutter just doesn’t look very nice.
Not Caring For Your Stuff Gets Expensive
Your parents had a point. Messy living, with rumpled clothes, untreated stains, unrepaired items, and unwashed, cluttered surfaces translates to things that don’t last as long. Dirty, broken goods make new ones, in their spiffy, shiny packages, more appealing. In comparison, your own items don’t stand a chance. What’s friendlier on your budget, though: to buy materials and take the time to clean out your car, wash it, wax it, and vacuum it; or to buy a brand new car?
Gently Seek Changes that Move You in a Better Direction
Be gentle. Take small steps to reconsider your clutter. Remember that sometimes slow is faster. Look at it as a project, much as you might a work initiative, a new recipe, or training for an upcoming race. Prepare yourself, put aside time, learn from others who have already tackled similar issues, and buy a few supplies as needed. Enlist a friend for support. This will initiate a positive feedback loop. Straightening your room may help straighten your thoughts.
It’s All Connected So Process Your Feelings and Thoughts
Take the time to process any feelings and thoughts that come to mind. Start a journal, take a walk, or phone a trusted friend. Taking on your unruly spaces communicates an openness to listen to what’s going on for yourself. Make sure to get the support you need, especially on a particularly bad day.
Reward yourself as you create a lovely space, as well. Your apartment, tiny home, or RV now looks great. Pick some flowers and put them in a glass as a tiny touch to make you smile.
Find a Where to Put for Everything
Decide on a specific place where each item goes. Start with items you misplace most often, like your keys, bag, or shoes, and try to start putting those important things back in their places each time you use them. At the end of the day, take a brief walk through your space and put things away. Straighten the edges of piles, wipe off surfaces, and orient things in space. You’ll notice that parallel and perpendicular lines tend to feel calming and orderly.
Use What Appeals to You as Inspiration
Look for inspiration. Perhaps for you, traditionally minimalist images feel overly sparse, so look for a more colorful or energetic example. Consider different room decor, online and in social media, from a richly decorated restaurant in deep tones, to a fun, sparkly teen’s room, to a starkly urban cafe. Make a physical board or a photo album on your phone and gather what you find.
Find Joy in the Journey
It’s actually good news that mind and matter affect each other. It’s cheaper to declutter than to see a therapist – though if you find you need one, do that too. When you eye a new pile of things appearing nearby, take a minute to consider what purpose it might be serving. Not sure? Simply asking sends signals to your brain that you’re newly open to answers.
Next, pause, take a breath, and pick up one object from the top of the pile. Look around for its home, and gratefully put it back in its place. What a gift that you have so much it takes a bit of effort to sort your belongings. Not sure where something goes? Just choose a place. Don’t worry about being right. If you repeatedly replace items in their spots, your choices will feel more right over time. If later you change your mind, that’ll be OK, too.
Organizing involves tiny choices, over and over. It’s great practice for bigger decisions. The calm you create around you will gradually seep into your body. Your self-image will take reassurance and validation from the care with which you treat your things. Tiny bursts of joy will inspire others. Sometime in the distant future, you may even thank the chaos that gave you a highly concrete challenge with which to start.
